I just read through the latest diary about me, my motives, and the issue about Obama.
I did not intend for this to become the hullabaloo that it has, and contrary to wanting the attention--I hate it!
My blogmates on CFO deserve, I think a huge round of applause and a thank you from everyone on mydd. No one on CFO approved of the diary I wrote, but many of them believed I should be able to say it without being flamed and crucified. So I want to say to them:
I didn't exactly drag you into this, but I do appreciate your defending my right to say something so terribly unpopular and clearly hateful to so many.
While we are on acknowledgements I would like to thank chitown denny and the blogger who has penguin in his name. I'm sorry I can't remember your name better--and I don't have the heart to look it up right now. You know who you are.
Here is what I have been thinking over the course of this entire mess which began last Sunday and has continued now, unabated, for six days.
When I was small, before I could talk, I was badly hurt by someone in my family. Part of the injury that I sustained was that I could not tell anyone what happened. After I could speak, no one believed me. As a result of not being believed, the injustice and mistreatment continued unchecked. And as it did, year by year so did my passion to speak my truth--as I see and I experience it. By the seventh grade I was telling anyone who asked I was going to be a news reporter.
Sometimes, this tendency is helpful as when I named a behavior that had existed, but had never been named, and then wrote the first book about sexual harassment of women on the job. And this commitment has helped many in all sorts of ways over the years.
Sometimes, this tendency is not helpful, can be seen as inappropriate and unnecessary, if not unwanted. And at times is perceived as downright hateful.
I have come to terms with this part of my character. I will do it, and I will take my lumps if that is what expressing `how I see things' requires me to do.
During the primary wars here I said some things which sent people over a cliff. And I was accused then of echoing right wing talking points and like that. What I said then, and what I say now, is that I am a former news reporter with the Associated Press and sources come from all sorts of places. Some are true and some are not. The days when we could safely assume that some sources were honorable and above board while others were Always biased and inaccurate are gone. For example, I watched Fox news during the primary because it was often the only place I could catch any pro-Hillary slant. I do not watch them now because they are essentially a Republican mouthpiece with a pro-McCain slant.
As for the issue of right wing sources, etc. To many on the left, almost any publication in Israel is suspect and ips facto right wing. I once published one line here that used some Israeli source--but only after it had been used by the Los Angeles Times. No one on here cared that the LA times had published what I was now saying. I was smeared as someone who quotes right wing whack jobs.
I did write for Savage Politics. I have not spoken to anyone there since they published an avalanche of pure hate about me when I declared my support the nominee. It was the same at Hill44. And I was excommunicated by Alegre from Hillary'svoice with no explanation. I have not gone back to any of those sites and I have only heard from others how hateful they became about me. Altho a few people do write me now and then and we discuss as best we can across this great divide that separates us now.
CFO began as a place for people who supported Hillary and who now support the nominee. We wanted to commiserate and support one another. We were a truly small and rather isolated group. I think adleft and psychodrew are to be commended for their creating this haven and attracting a wonderful group of bloggers.
And then there is me. And here is my truth about Obama. I am skeptical. But because I will vote for him I work at liking him better. But ever since the primary ended he has been metamorphosing into something different than who he appeared to be in the primary. And so I feel as if I keep playing catchup.
For the record:
I do not think he is a secret Muslim. [although I wouldn't care if he was]
I have no issue with his middle name, and in fact, I like it.
I do think his campaign used the race card against the Clintons and I believe he lied about his relative going to Auschwitz.. [This was another one that brought down the house here and Canadian Gal was among the chief scoffers.]
I am beginning to like his wife and I think his kids are smart and spunky.
I think he has led an extraordinary life and I like his thoughtful approach to issues.
I think his idea of a team of rivals is encouraging--as long as he is decisive.
I like his stand on off-shore drilling.
I wish he would speak out more forcefully about "women's issues," but I do not think he will give up a woman's right to choose. And I trust he will appoint justices to the Supreme Court who will ensure this is the case.
I think he will use Al Gore and we might actually get somewhere on the environment.
I could go on, but you get the drift.
Was I thrilled with his trip overseas. The answer is no. I thought it was a mistake. I think we are in an economic meltdown and people here at home are hurting, and something about that trip was not helpful to his image here. I especially do not think it helped his foreign policy credentials in the least. [My take on this may be influenced by the fact my Mom's savings were at risk when Indymac failed]
And then we come to prayer-gate. I am not going to rehash it all. Many, many here cannot understand that someone who supports him believes the prayer was deliberately leaked. After reading and seeing all there is to see about it I would have to say that my honest opinion is: I don't know. And at this point I do think it is unclear what actually happened. But I have a very jaundiced view of the Obama campaign machine. Perhaps this comes with having been on the other side in the primary, I don't know.
Does that make me a bad democrat? Does that make me someone who cannot support the nominee? Does that mean I am a troll or a right wing plant, or a Republican or engaging in swift boating our nominee?
Of course not.
I am just speaking my truth the best I can, calling things as I see them, willing to listen and debate.
However, I have learned one important lesson through all of this. Maybe this is not the best time to dwell on our nominee's shortcomings. Obama does need to get elected. And I am 100 percent on board with that necessity. So if this discussion about the leaking of the prayer, which I assumed to be a discussion among ourselves--all people who support him-- was not helpful--I apologize.
My 2 cents.
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